WHY ME??????

                                                             (written when leaving Africa, after living there for 4 months)

 WOW!!!  The last 4 months was an incredible, challenging, heart wrenching, and growing time for our family.  God showed us so much, humbled us, and motivated us to give our lives even more for the plight of the poor and orphaned.  As we flew away, one thing that was heavy was the following question:

“Why Me”???  

Why did God give us so much?  Why are we born in a free country?  Why do we have enough food to feed our family 3 times a day?  A roof over our heads?  Clean drinking water?  Our health?  A warm bed?  Why are our streets clean?  Why aren’t my kids suffering from one disease after another and/ or dying from them?  Why aren’t the floors of my house mud?  Why do I have a place to live at all?  Why do I have a kitchen with a fridge, and water on demand (clean too), and an oven?  Why do I have a bathroom?  Why haven’t I lost all 4 of my kids to Malaria, HIV, tuberculosis, or water borne illnesses?  Why are we free to worship God with out the fear that we will be tortured, thrown in prison, separated from our children?  Why do I have the luxury to diet, donate my extras, sell half my stuff, WHY???

We like to justify all the reasons as to why, (I think it makes us feel better) but honestly, there is not one answer that fully makes sense. To continually walk by suffering, hungry people and then walk into my house and make my children a nice meal, take a warm shower, and climb into bed, day in and day out, makes me say “why me”?  To see orphans lying in a crib day in and day out with no one to hold them, or rock them, or feed them and then see my kids so blessed by love is difficult. (Let alone to see so many families able to give them a loving home, and haven’t…yet).  To see a mother begging for food, and living in a mud hut that is filthy, and then walk into my nice home.  WHY ME????   It’s something you can’t understand unless you live it out daily, standing face to face with the suffering, and then walk back into your comfortable world away from much of those struggling just to live.  At the outdoor market, I walked by a young child.  He had no legs, and was wearing a hood over his head, as though he was hiding underneath it.  He just sat there begging, a little ball, face to the ground under his hood.

MY HEART JUST BROKE! 

I bent down, lifted up his head, and looked in His eyes.  Those eyes, WOW, that’s another story in itself.  I smiled at him, told him Jesus loved him, and gave him some food, and a small scripture card.  I then prayed for him, and walked away.  But long after I was gone, the image of his face haunted me…for days.  Why is he there?  What happened to his parents? Where did he sleep last night?  How does he get out of the rain?  Where does he find food, he can’t even walk?

How is he alive???

What about the lady I sat next to with flies all over her, who was dying, and did die soon after.  Did she have kids?  What about the elderly man who sat there on the street with bloody limbs, hoping for someone to give him some money to buy food; did they?  Without a cane, how can he go and get food?  Where does he drag himself at night?  And the list of stories could go on and on and on…their just a few of the millions just like it…

While I could tell you, and do tell you all the amazing stories of what God is doing there, and the amazing miracles happening daily, like the little baby healed of HIV, God has a different message that He wants me to bring.  A challenge so to speak..

And this challenge is the difference between life and death for those who are on the other end of our obedience and generosity.

In light of asking myself why, the Lord has so clearly shown me, that it is OUR RESPONSIBILITY to help these people.  God hasn’t blessed us so we can spend our resources on ourselves while people are dying.  He has not given us a great paying job so we can spend our money on nice cars, big houses, vacations, clothes, and toys while many brothers and sister’s in Christ are DYING OF STARVATION!!!!

Believe me, I’ve been guilty of all these things.  But, the fact of the matter is, He has given us much so that we would give much to others.  We aren’t entitled to all we earn.  He has ENTRUSTED us with His resources to do with it as HE DECIDES. 

“You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on EVERY OCCASION, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God”…2 Cor. 9:11

This is not to say we aren’t allowed to drive a nice car, or own a nice house, etc.  What it is to say is this:  “Do we spend more on our (NON NECCESSITIES) new car payments than on the poor”…  “Do we spend more on our vacations, or remodeling our home, or buying toys than we do on the poor”…”Do we spend more on our kids sports, school clothes and pleasures than we do on the poor”…

Please hear me when I say I AM GUILTY!  God has had to remove a lot in our lives over that past few years, to open our eyes to the reality of how we, and most American Christians are living our lives, and spending our resources.

My job isn’t to judge or condemn, but it IS to challenge and to open eyes ( 1 Tim. 6:17-18) to the reality of what is happening because we are too busy living in the bubble of the American dream.

Yes, John and I gave a lot of money to the poor, but we also gave more to ourselves.  Yes, we spent a lot helping the orphan, but we spent more of our resources on a bigger house than we should’ve bought.  Why didn’t we buy a simple place, and give the rest to the poor, or use the extra to build an orphanage, etc.???  Couldn’t we have bought an older car, or went on a smaller vacation, or been content with our house in its current condition?

While I’m learning to not feel guilty for enjoying his blessings all-together, God has taught me that I must first seek His kingdom, help His people, and be faithful with His resources, and then AFTER I’ve done ALL THE LORD HAS REQUIRED WITH THE THINGS HE’S ENTRUSTED ME WITH, I’m free to enjoy the remaining amount on all the wonderful things He has given us.  I’m free to enjoy going out to eat, or buying a new outfit, or taking a vacation.  But most importantly, I must be faithful to Him and to those whose lives depend on my faithfulness, with what God has blessed me with.

There is so much need, and we can do nothing less than give Him our all:  our resources, our time, our material possessions, our everything!!! 

Will you join us?????

  “And now, O LORD, I have brought you the first portion of the harvest you have given me from the ground.’ Then place the produce before the LORD your God, and bow to the ground in worship before him”…Duet 26:10

See other verses about the poor, the rich, and our responsibility:  Luke 12:48, James 5:3, 1 John 2:15-17, Luke 12:29, Ezek 18:18, 34:2-12, Acts 2:45, 4:35, Malachi 3:6-10, Ezek 16:48-49, Haggai 1:9, Isaiah 1, 10:2, 59:10, Amos 6:1, Luke 3:11, 6:24, 11:41, 12:13-21, 12:15, 33, 48, Matthew 19:21,29,

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I would’ve NEVER truly realized-

• How blessed I am
• How comfortable my life is
• How much I have to be thankful for
• How much He has given our country-freedom, wealth, abundance, security, safety, excess
• That its not normal for all my children to live past the age of 5
• That it is not normal for my parents to be alive after the age of 40
• That it is not normal to get such a different variety of foods every day
• That it is not normal to have “extra” food in my cupboard
• That it is not normal to have over 1 pair of shoes
• That it is not normal to own more than 1-3 outfits
• That it is not normal to have hot showers or clean water

If it wasn’t for Africa I would’ve NEVER truly realized-

• How poor in Spirit I am
• How little I really know about spending time in His presence
• How little I really know about spending time in prayer
• How POWERFUL God the Holy Spirit is
• How spiritually dry I am
• How little I rely on His provision
• How much I unknowingly depended on my paycheck and my savings account
• How selfish I am
• How trapped by materialism I am
• How much I bow to self-comfort, safety, pleasure, success, position
• How BLIND I AM
• How prideful I am
• How much I base being “Blessed” on the Physical and not the Spiritual

If it wasn’t for Adoption I would’ve NEVER fully realized:

• How much I lack HIS love for people and depend on my own source of love
• How little grace I have for others who fall short when I’m just as guilty of falling short
• How much I sometimes don’t enjoy dying to myself to serve the least of these

If it wasn’t for Adoption I would’ve NEVER fully realized: 

• How much a child can love God and worship Him at a young age
• How much more we needed to do family worship, prayer, and bible together (like they did in the orphanage many mornings and nights)
• How capable my little ones are at a young age-dishes, laundry, vacuuming, you name it
• How much my kids and I complained (try complaining about little things in front of them!)
• How ungrateful we are for the small things
• How we could never come close to blessing them half as much as they have BLESSED US
• How a life of suffering  & lack makes something so incredibly beautiful in them-THEIR AMAZING!!!
• How much I could love a child that didn’t grow in my belly
• How I’m so THANKFUL I died to my family growth plan and submitted to GODS growth plan for us & all His families (evidenced in HIS ADOPTION of all of us)…”go and do likewise”…Luke 10:37                         
• How much our WHOLE FAMILY would’ve MISSED OUT had we not!!!

Yet the difference of living in the US of A, our family won’t finish the food on our plates.  Our stockings are full, our bellies are fed, were toasty and warm in our soft, cozy beds.

But the girl on the streets has no blanket or bed, just the dirty, cold ground and a rock for her head.  So this girl calls on Jesus:  “Lord, your my ONLY hope” for there’s nowhere to turn, and there’s no where to go.

Yet across the great pond there is plenty to spare, but we’ll spend more on ourselves, and have little to share.  All the toys, and the clothes, oh’ the shopping galore, then we’ll give what’s left over to the orphaned and poor.

And so like many others she’ll eventually die, and our God up in heaven will in anger say “WHY”!!!!!

Why aren’t you sharing ALL that I’ve blessed you with?  You have every luxury, yet they can’t even live!!!  Nice big houses, brand new cars, swimming pools, so much more, and they’ll just keep on dying while you spend more and more.

Even your animals are much more well fed-they have treats and good food, and a soft, cozy bed.  But my kids sleep in danger and go days without food, while the cost of vacation could have helped quite a few.

Did I not tell you plainly to take care of the poor, to give what you have, and to share so much more?  So you’ll open your presents and add to your “stuff” while my children will die from a lack of enough.

“Well, they came around 9 to pick us up for court. When they pulled up Zach and Drew began yelling “Solomon”. They ran out to him and were hugging him, then Zach was just staring at him with a smile, like he did to Miki!   We went to court.   On the way, Solomon shared that he was nervous because of his age. We became nervous as well because they have actually turned down kids at court because of their age  so there have been kids thinking they are being adopted and being rejected!!!!   How traumatizing!!   I had this image in my head, of going all this way, and him being here with us and meeting the whole family and then the court saying “your too old, sorry” and him having to turn around and go back to the orphanage. 

You could tell he was really nervous and tense and  I just began praying and asking God for His peace. He has done so many miracles up to this point, so to not move now and complete it didn’t make sense!

We went in (Solomon had to stand outside the door, and await his fate) and they asked us a lot of questions, a small interogation.  Then she said “okay, he is your son”.  Once she cleared us we went out of the room and said “Were good”!!!!  He gave us the biggest, tightest hug, and was so happy. His sister was with us. She had to give up legal rights.  We asked if he wanted to go back with her tonight, and say bye, and come tomorrow, and he said “no, I want to go with you”.  We went back to the house and Zach was giving him a tour, and showed him a Christmas present under the tree for him, and Drew kept showing him his karate moves. Miki was shy and finally warmed up a lot later~!!   When I walked in their room tonight, it was precious, Miki was standing by the bed and they were just talking. 

We had dinner, hung out, John taught him some card games, and showed him some card tricks! Also, John asked him if it was hard to leave  the orphanage and he said no.   John said “are you even a little bit sad”.   He said “no, living in an orphanage is  hard”.   (even if its a good orphanage).  He lived there for 5 years.    

So now he is home, amen, and we are adjusting well.  Continue to pray for Gods love, grace, and peace to fill our family.   Consider as well, what orphan may be waiting for you to bring him or her into your family.  I know there is room, and I know God wouldn’t say no if you really asked Him. 
“He places the fatherless in families”…Psalms 68

  To paint you a picture of this place I want you to imagine your child, your precious baby, lying in a crib, along with almost 40 other babies in the same room, all day, with dirty diapers, diaper rash, and little to no love or affection. I saw babies that weighed less than 6 pounds, babies who laid there for hours on end with a poopie diaper, babies who rocked themselves, and stared into the sky, and just laid in their crib, for most, if not all day. There were over 20 cribs in the one room, some with two babies per crib, all just laying there. In other parts of the orphanage there was a place for all the special needs babies and children, who also just laid or sat there. Words could never describe the situation. Some smelled of throw up, and another was CHAINED TO A CHAIR the previous visit, according to our friend. Did you read that? Please think about it!! Your child, chained to a chair, naked from waist down.

  As I walked in, I just began to cry, and not just cry, my body began to weep. Inwardly of course, as I didnt want to offend anyone, so I just shook, and jerked with every inward sob. These are Gods children, and as much as I love my own children, and remember how I felt for them when they were first born, so innocent, fragile, and completely helpless, I just knew that Gods love for them is so much stronger and could just picture Him WEEPING in heaven. Weeping because He sees them, and they are in serious situations, weeping because there are so many “hands and feet”, HIS hands & feet, that aren’t holding them, and weeping because every day we live our comfortable lives, these babies lay there and cry to almost no ones attention, poop to have no one change their diaper for hours at a time, sit there and stare at the sky, and have little to no hope of any sort of life. They are sick, throwing up, have horrible diaper rash, and Day after Day after Day, they are still there liked caged animals, lying in their beds.

  I can’t help but question how this can be??? Are there not over 65 MILLION confessing Christians? Does North America not own over half of the entire worlds Christian wealth? Doesn’t Gods word not make it clear that we are to meet the needs of the poor and orphaned? Where are his hands and feet? Where is love in action? What is happening!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

   Its comforting to say “we cant help everyone” and that is absolutely true, we can’t. That is one of the things that keeps me from feeling an overwhelming sense of despair, but we also must be willing to be honest with ourselves and examine our actions.

“Am I REALLY doing enough”

 ”How much of my time is really being spent on behalf of the poor, orphaned, and widowed? (Isaiah 58)

How much of my resources? How much of my gifts, and talents are really used for the intended purpose, HIS KINGDOM, or am I spending my time, resources, gifts and talents on myself, my comforts, and my pleasures?

If Jesus were to show up at my door today and look over my financials, what would he see? Would he see more money spent on my vacations, clothes, uneccessary bills, remodels, toys, pets, eating out, and whatever else than on the poor???

This self examination isn’t easy, but its necessary, FOR ME AS WELL!!! Because more painful than self examination, is the fact that almost a week and a half since I visited these kids, they are still there, in the same situation, and nothing has changed for them. I still have hot showers, warm meals, a full stomach, and tuck my children into their soft, warm beds. I enjoy running water, and not having to walk 8 hours a day to get water to muddy water to drink and wash my clothes and cook with. My life is comfortable in every way, but in the meantime, they, along with millions of other children, continued to suffer. God has asked us to be His hands and feet and to meet the needs of the poor, orphaned, and widowed.

Are we obeying that, wholeheartedly?

Is He pleased with how we “share what we have with the poor” when statistically less than 4% of what we spend our money on, is for them? The truth is, He has given us all the resources we need to give the world clean water, to feed the hungry, and to care for the orphans and widows. He has commanded us to go, and to help the poor, and to look after the orphan. His word says that “if we love Him, we WILL obey his commands” and that “To whom much is given, much will be REQUIRED”. We truly are the richest, most blessed generation to ever live. Much has been given, and much is required of us. After all, if we gave up just ONE Christmas, we could give the entire world CLEAN drinking water. Have you ever researched what a disaster a lack of clean drinking water is on a society, family, and a life? With one Christmas, given up for others, we could literally impact millions of lives, save the lives of millions of children, provide an education for millions of children who can’t go to school because they have water borne illnesses or spend their entire day fetching water!!!!! ONE CHRISTMAS!!!! How many children have died while we continue to get more and more?

Gods word says…

“Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be EQUALITY. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. The goal is equality, as it is written: “The one who gathered much did not have too much, and the one who gathered little did not have too little.”

He says “if you have 2 cloaks, to give 1 away” (that would be half by the way). He says we are to “love others above ourselves” (which would also mean at least providing for others the things we provide for ourselves. All these things point to us giving a lot more than we are, myself included. The first century church in Acts sold all their posessions and distributed to anyone who had need so that there were NO POOR AMONG them.

 How is it that we have such beautiful homes, and spend hundreds of thousands on them, while children are sleeping on concrete? Equality? Loving others above ourselves? How is it that we can afford all the vacations we like to take, but can’t afford to go on a mission trip? How is it that we can afford to remodel our houses and have mini palaces, but we are hardpressed to donate even 10% of what we have? (I have been guilty of this as well).

How is it that we will be more offended by the boldness of these questions than the reality that 10 babies have died of hunger in the time it took someone to read this???

It is time for us to become a people who really do “love our neighbors more than ourselves” and “gve our other cloak away”and to live simply so that others may simply live!!!!

I am challenging myself, and I am challenging you to examine yourself and ask yourselves the hard questions.   After all, much is REQUIRED, not REQUESTED.

Terina with the kids at the school

Boys walking

John in home

Over the years, we’ve shared the many stories of the kids we serve. Stories of what brought them to the orphanage: stories of loss, abandonment, and heartbreak. We’ve also been able to share the amazing stories of how God redeemed them through bringing them into the homes, all of them coming to Christ there, and most even being adopted into loving, Christian families. It’s been incredible to see all that God has done in their lives.

A few weeks ago, we sent you a similar story, a praise report, of a group of 20 kids who had recently given their lives to Christ. Well, we had the opportunity to meet with these kids this week, and like many other daily experiences here, it changed me. However, this time, it changed me in the way of a heart that was completely broken, or shall I say shattered, for these kids who represented the over 160 million orphans in the world, who are completely alone. Typically, I see the kids when their already in the orphanage, being loved, fed, and cared for; and that is heart breaking in itself as they are still kids who have suffered much loss, grief and pain. Unlike every time I’ve visited in the past, this time I was looking into the faces of 26 children who were yet to be brought in. I was looking at the faces of kids who are still sleeping on the street, still fighting to find food, still fighting to stay alive; almost daily. Kids who have lost their parents, their lives, everything. These kids were so dirty, I wondered when they had last had a shower; have they ever had a shower. Among these kids I saw filthy, dirty clothes and bodies, rotting teeth, diseased faces, no shoes, or one shoe, scrapes and cuts, etc. and a deep feeling of sadness engulfed me. I just pictured my child sitting there, orphaned, alone, and living as these boys were; and the thought was more than I could handle. I thought of the other millions of kids represented in these faces. It made me wonder why we aren’t doing more, giving up more, and working harder to help them. It’s in these moments that every temporary, material thing I own becomes unimportant and insignificant in light of what I’m seeing in front of me.

While we sat there, the boys were listening to Getana (who will help run the shelter) teach them about God. I could see the love and care he has for these kids, and I began to feel such a feeling of hope and anticipation for all the things God has in store for them. These are the kids that we are planning to take into the shelter we are opening within the next 2 months. The shelter will provide a safe place for them to sleep, a bed, a blanket, 3 meals a day, new clothes, an education, discipleship training, and more. We absolutely can’t wait for it to be open, which should take place this December. I think this may be the best Christmas present ever! Can you imagine getting to provide a place like this for these kids? Can you imagine if someone was providing a place like this for your child if they were orphaned? We can’t wait to open this shelter. Within the next two months we will need to purchase beds, furniture, kitchen appliances, etc. so if you feel led to help please click on the link below. Once everything is in place we will also be setting up child sponsorship opportunities, so please stay tuned!

Xaviar Yibarkachu (God bless all of you)

www.duttonfoundation.org/donate

FAMILY UPDATE:

“whatever you did for the least of these, you did it unto me”…
The boys are doing great! One day, as we were walking to lunch, we saw some kids digging in the trash for food. We went and bought them food, and let Zach and Miki take it to them. Zach came back with the biggest smile and said “that was the best day of my life”. We have visited the orphanage twice, and they have absolutely loved playing with the kids and babies. Today we went to a town where family sponsorships are being set up. The houses were so small and in such a poor area. The families invited us in for coffee and bread, even paying for sugar (which is expensive-what a sacrifice). We were told that it meant so much to them that we came into their houses and visited and ate with them because they are considered outcasts and shamed by the community. They have no running water or toilets. They all go to the restroom in a plastic bag, then tie it up and take it out. Can you imagine? It was such a neat experience for my boys to get to see how they live and to get to spend time loving on the least of these. We are having an amazing time, and can’t wait to see all God has in store for us during our time here.

We had just gotten in the car and drove away from a swarm of people who were begging for food, money, selling items, etc.  It is a sight that breaks your heart.  How do you even begin to choose who you will buy something from, or give food or help to???  In fact, you actually have to time buying anything because if you do so before you have gotten in the car, started the car, and/or are moving, you will have a swarm of people surrounding you, putting their face up to the window, and begging for help.  The look in their eyes and faces reveals a level of despair most of us will probably never understand.  After you’ve helped someone how do you respond to the others?  Do you look away, smile, cry, what??? 

                                What do you do??

It’s a lot to take in as an adult, and Zach’s comment revealed how it broke his little heart as well.  He said “it’s SO HARD to have to say no”.  I know bud, it is…   In this moment, you would sell EVERY temporary thing you own to help those in front of you. But many times we do say NO,  without even realizing it.   

Right before we left for Africa, Zach couldn’t stop talking about his upcoming birthday: what he wanted, all the new things he would get (as it is for every child of course) and yet being here for one day, God is beginning to reveal to him another way.  Why do we ask for more?  Why is food and clothing not enough?  Andy why do we justify it?  While it would be perfectly fine to celebrate his birthday, and we have celebrated many, what if, instead, we used the money to do a bread run? What if everyone did? Would there by less people hungry then? What if we were willing to give up more than that? A vacation? A car? A toy? It is true, there are truly things we need, but what about the rest?  Do we really need the all the extra pleasures?   How many more would we able to help feed, clothe, and save if we did give up more?

  While I know I can’t save the world, I must not let that be an excuse either.  The painful reality of saying NO hits when I’m looking in the eyes of a hungry mother, unable to feed her hungry child, and then having to look away because “I can’t save them all”.  In order to survive, I have to tell myself that I can’t save them all, but I also have to ask myself if I’m doing what it takes and giving up all I possibly can to save all the ones I am able to?

If Zach does choose to “just do a bread run on his birthday” it will cost him personally, but in doing so he will save the ones he is ABLE to and feed even more than if he kept it for himself.  And as with all of us, the choice is his.